Ok ok ok….the rabbit hole is getting pretty windy, and if you found this post….good…because the dawn is upon us, are you ready for a new day? OK, maybe I started off a bit woo woo when I said that, but here goes, let’s dive in. Wonderful thing about this time out the world has received is that we must find ourselves regardless of where anyone else is, and even though I’ve done this a long long time again, I still never did the work, internal work that was helpful to help me to relate…to guess what…myself. I was still in my “whoa is me” stage. Asking myself “Why can’t I get this right, why am I not living the way I want, why am I asking for help where it doesn’t suit me, why to the Heavens above am I here, and why dear lord did you give me my crazy family that doesn’t have an ounce of support or love in them, or know what those words mean. OK, maybe that was a bit harsh. My bad…still…true story.

See…about a year ago when everyone thought me to be batshit crazy for being the quirky person I am I turned off the news and toyed with the idea of turning off cable. I was like, what will I have to talk about if I stop watching cable, I already turned off the news years prior? Then I thought, well hell, I have nothing to talk about with most anyways, so what does it matter. With a twinkle in my eye I started to scrutinize what I watched and realized I just needed noise to distract my thoughts, to keep me from thinking to myself, and then it hit me…they’re all reruns…what a twist!!! I was paying for repeats and although I had a DVR there was no reason to use it since I could just watch the reruns play over and over and over again.

Before the plannedemic I was already in quarantine. Peering out the window fearful of anyone that would launch foot on my step, wouldn’t pick up phone calls from relatives, dare ask any questions about what the hell I was feeling, and then…LOCKDOWN. You’re probably asking yourself, did you predict this, why hell no! That was just my world, inescapable, lonely, loony, mad, isolated, questioning everything, trusting no one. Then something amazing happened…I started not to care. With everyone running around being told how to live, what to do, who to call, putting face coverings on that would only hasten their demise…I already thought about this awhile back and wanted none of it. With no one telling me anything that couldn’t be put on a foghorn to repeat, like the news, I had to go within to find myself and express my uniqueness, but this time, in a different way. This wouldn’t be found by watching TV but utterly asking questions and looking inside to get the answers.

Needless to say there was this YouTube, and yes, I used it, but mostly for watching mindless things like music videos, documentaries, playthroughs, you name it. Although all of these were good ideas, they didn’t speak to me on a deeper level. Then I started to poke around and noticed I gravitated to what I wanted to see. Deeper questions that needed a step and I started to search and found I could find others that I dare think they existed. Now…I’m not trying to be facetious, but I found that there were like minded people out there, and they were expressing themselves through this facet. Just wow I thought. But then….BOOM…and then there was censorship that slammed most of the people I have found when opening up my mind. I couldn’t believe it! Was I living in reverse world? Just when I thought to have a thought, there was the possible eradication of this thought. I’ll have none of it thank you!

This is a glorious time and I refuse to go in my “rabbit hole” once more as I clammer to find the out of this horrid video game. It’s game on and I’d like to see where these paths take me. No more bunny bopping when I show my head and find an escape route, no more being fed what I think I want to see, a glorious road awakes to a new beginning and I must say, the absence of…is the abundance of illusion. It is now time to take back our brains and make use of them without someone else telling us what they’re good for. I find it funny how I always wanted someone to lead me but what I was really asking for is the thought to lead myself. Take in information and discern what I can relate to instead of looking for someone to point me in any direction, realizing for the first time…I’m capable of doing this!

Yes…interesting, beautiful, insightful times are among us and it’s time to get going. Life had to hit me in the arse, and let me tell you…with all the bs I’ve dealt with in the past year…all I can say is BRING IT I’m no longer sleeping!!! And if you’re like me….welcome…I’m glad you’re waking up with me!!!

Stay hungry….grrr

Ok, so the summer is over… ok maybe it’s been over and Fall is upon me like a very hot itchy blanket. No matter what things I’ve tried to remember or busy myself with, the end of the year is a reflection of what I have accomplished. To date, zero and zilch is what I’ve come up with. It is pretty sad that the only time of year most look to as a reflection of coming of age is their birthdate or New Years (sad face)… bleh… I mean I watch TV and although I have no interest in being the next American Idol I feel that something has got to give or something is missing.

To busy myself with in betweens I’ve started a Tagged account. Now this is random and I have to say like any social site there’s this constant that annoys me. Everyone seems defiant against socially meeting someone and only adding a friend which whom you’ll never converse with which is like a one up on the “I’m close to being a star” scale. What the hell??? I thought social was social… really simple here. You converse, make conversation, TALK for heaven’s sake… Everyone on the site is a drone with a picture… with some copied and pasted virtue that is quite uninviting or plain irrelevant… Needless to say I have no information posted and I know this is the first start to being social but a picture for me is equivalent to a really shiny car with the keys in the ignition in the middle of crime valley. There’s just no getting anywhere or a road trip to an expensive end. If you post a picture and say a few things, users may be more interesting but again there’s something missing that despite the intellect of a brain surgeon a few patients get through screening that are missing that most important part… the brain.

What has driven me batty is the whole meet me or interested button. The rabbit hole here gets deeper. I’m so afraid I’d rather go to a random bar and offer a relative a hefty designated driver fee. At least I’d make it home right… hopefully. It’s like speed dating on assumptions and mind you… this whole thing is based on the wonderful person with the picture you’ve just clicked. Now I hate to admit I’ve done this before, meet a wonderful individual that had the blessings of posting a great picture of themselves to only find out that they are a talented photographer that needs a job in Hollywood… stat!!! As with anything, memorable meetings either forced or casual someone will indeed have a happy ending. I’d have to say I’m afraid. I would like to think like anyone, anything is possible but what lacks here is the truth. Anything truly is possible like: possible bad endings as well!!! Regardless of the positive there is a negative somewhere and I’m so afraid of the social internet blanket that maybe I’m the one with something missing. I would have to agree that maybe the site lacks nothing… it’s just me.

It takes time for things to work out with someone you know only as HoTforLuv79. I mean… what is going on here? The real name although it may never come out because you get wrapped up in the “whole tag you’re it” that you forget to ask and years later… the name is Rodney Arbuckle with a social problem that you really wouldn’t have seen past if you were blind. We really could have figured this out quicker but because of the whole complacent blanket we never assume that it’s a person on the other end and just say to said ghost or whomever “You know HoTforLu79 you have been the best and I really appreciate your insight thanks for being number 1012 on my list but I have better things to browse.”

Ok… I’m ranting and maybe angry too. Sorry for that as it never ceases to amazes me that we seem to get further from eachother. We don’t even know what a human looks like unless someone does something extremely irritating to the point of cutting you off without their turn signal or putting their shopping cart in the middle of the isle knowing damn well there are other people in the store, or have a million coupons in which all are outdated and we’re behind them and they keep saying sorry, or there is an angry friend we’ve added years ago and they’re mad because we don’t speak and I don’t know the what we spoke of the last time or what the hell they were talking about… same thing but it’s so different… how annoying?!?!?!?

I guess this is a lesson in time or possibly timelessness as we press forward without regret we lose a piece of who we are because socially you’re as important as a click or cliché. The power of this social blanket seemingly states “I can’t make you as famous as so many that will get my attention that an advertiser has comfortably paid for. I’m taking the reins and I feel like an icon because I’ve just met you and decided you are beneath me or socially inept because I got my social game together. I’m sorry there are sexier bots that have beaten you to the punch but you may have to become part of the void in which I do not dwell… good riddance.” Could you say this to someone’s face, you probably could but the point I’m trying to make is without knowing the person being mean is quite easy. And I’ve reached the conclusion that it is possible that social meeting is just plain mean. With all of the points mentioned above we just might make it work if we can remove our emotions, a part of the brain that deals with emotions, plastic surgery, money or plastic (credit cards), and the longevity of an old outdated computer you refuse to throw away or maybe it’s just about sex (my thoughts on another post).

As we move far away from our fellow brethren but closer to a virtual print out of ourselves we are simply still alone. There isn’t any social facet that will connect us without making a picturesque meeting real or relative to us in our daily outings. Without fitting someone in they are just a figment of our twisted imagination. As with anything it is possible to say our first social group was those with whom we knew in a real life meeting (whoa and scary)… imagine that.

Until then…

Stay hungry fellow taggers…. Your IT!!!!!!!! (grrrr)

Can someone explain this to me??? Alright, before you start maybe a question is in order.  I don’t need you to explain to me why you’re eating that donut and it’s not breakfast…. I thought we were doing the whole P90X thing… or did you give up? Oh sorry, wrong post. Anyways it’s about relationships and if any of you know anything about them I’ll step off my soap box for you ok? But first you have to put that donut down… seriously.  And let me remind you I want an explanation on a long term, successful, meaningful,  not living like zombies, die hard, romantic, exciting, no lies about your farting issues at night or snoring, I’d be there until you’re missing your brain and I won’t believe you’re brain dead and pull the damn plug type of  relationship?!?!?!? Hands anyone??? Ok… so far… I didn’t think so.

This question puzzles me and I have to say I’ve been on this world long enough to accept the fact that everyone has high hopes. Reminiscing on a time when I wanted a fairy tale relationship when I was a child and reliving it every time I had partaken in an enjoyable moment with toys. Well… fast forward to the future and we aren’t getting anywhere, I’m not any younger and the toys I have… well… may get me a shot on an obscure talk show. So…. Now what??? Now I know people that claim they’re happy only to end up complaining about a possible threat in the cheating category when a night out with friends arise, mysterious happenings similar to an alien abduction that the theater give hints to or your brain admits to, or cry when watched by a gathering of adorning friends and family when watching a movie about two happy squirrels in a toon??? And I digress… what gives and why o why must we play this game that ends up a prequel to our second life in this world or the next?

Am I upsetting you? Good, a stern kick in the rear will do anyone good because it’s our lives we’re talking about for Jim Carrey’s sake!!! And why not… are you happy or miserable is the question? Why do we endure relationships only to find we are the less likely few that ends in turmoil like those of our fallen colleges displayed on a local TV reality show or at home? I’m not sure. I could say deep down our primary goal is to procreate and any means necessary is the catalyst that will get this going. A long-term relationship with a high school sweetheart, someone you fell for when you weren’t thinking straight and now it HAS to fit, your urges were rearing when you were already IN a relationship and now… it’s love I tell you!!! Whatever your reasoning I’m sure anyone would say they wouldn’t try it (if it’s bad) and if it’s good they’ll try to find their own miserable story to assimilate/recreate that so many lives get tied into… thanks mom and dad!!!

Let me pose another question, what is the perfect relationship? Is it a bridge between acceptance and denial, is it a refrain to become like someone you already know but you will or will not because you might have a clue or was it taught to us by our family that says “I did it and SO SHOULD YOU…. And you better I need grandchildren stat!?!?!?!?

More on another post….

Until then…

Please don’t eat the donut and just stay hungry… (grrrr)

Alright… I was positive for about the 2nd cycle of the  first week into P90x and now the truth on the matter. See, I have this goal in mind that I can’t shake, and even after years of failures this is something that so far has proved a powerful push in the right direction. I just have to tell the truth here, I know I’m going to beat myself up for it, I know others will hate me, and even the workout Gods will have their way with me for a minute after I say this. I’m BORED… there I said it. I feel better but I know a nodule of cancer is growing for this. I can’t help the way I feel. During these videos with a tear in each eye before I begin, I can remember cues of the most corniest jokes ever made during the whole video, what someone will say or do to make Tony say something that will remind me of where I am in the tape (sigh), the emotionless counterparts with robot like attentiveness (that I have yet to achieve), the hope that I could just jump in there and silence Tony Horton or make him sound like my favorite actor or look like my favorite actor for that matter. I don’t mind him; I’m just sick of the routine, sick of seeing the same routine and play it out in my mind before I even start… what gives???

To get on track here, this is my second cycle and during the beginning it wasn’t so bad. I mean I had one workout a day. That towards the third week I absolutely freaking dreaded. And it was only one damn workout… so hard that at times I found myself merging it with another day, only to say during that day… “Oh God… not again” Then there was the dreaded recovery week… OMG, covered in an earlier post. Then finally, a two day routine with Cardio X….ARRGGGHHH as I ran screaming away from the monitor with hopes to leave my P90x friends in the desert. Sadly to say, they’ve caught up and reminded me of my duty. Whispering in my ear “You can’t do this alone.” A laugh fills the room like Dracula before he swoops to the helpless maiden. Dammit… I know I’m on my tangent. I can’t help it folks. I’m dying here. And you know what, any other video that I’ve seen or have done; I would get bored way quicker. So here’s the question: are these tapes dead on for the 1st cycle and then you have to pretend you know what you’re doing on your own at the gym afterwards for about a month before you see no results, suck it up (in the words of Tony Horton… arrgghh) and put the CD back in. I guess so, but if so, I’m still half beating my determination to see if I will just adhere to the damn thing like so many others before me.

I’ve read that others have finished more than 4 or 5 cycles with little to no break in between… O_o…. What??? How?? The muscle confusion here is in my brain as I feel like I’m reliving the movie Ground Hogs Day every week before I start day one… dammit. Every time I do Cardio X, I wish Tony made at least two of these things so that that would relieve some of my boredom. Not to mention the same people in every video, the girl and guy that are about to be married for years now and the guy that is leapy frog boy… AHHAHAHAH… help… And I’ll spare my thoughts on Ab Ripper X… as it’s quick enough to get through.

All in all this is a great workout but boredom has set in for me. Even going to the gym wasn’t boring, but it would set in once there that I had no clue what to do. Now, I’ve come up with a clever scheme that may be the winner and P90x will be my friend once again. I’ve decided to take Tony Horton and friends with me to the gym as they happily perch inside of my Archos (MP3/Video player… in case you didn’t know), waiting… This way I can look silly at the gym as I try to master my Yoga, Kenpo and Plyo routines. I think I’m doing great but you know… that’s why I do them at home. However, I think this is the only way to keep the Grim Reaper from attacking me before I start a P90x workout. I have so many hopes to get to another cycle that will shed some light/weight on the keeper of my fat reserves.

I do want to make something clear; a lot of weight issues start with a bad diet and end with it too. I know that part of the problem here is diet and even though I have that wonderful P90x diet guide I have yet to hold its hand all the way to the park. I’m working on that, but like I said before… I like to work out, food is another story.

For those that have just stumbled here to read a review, there are a lot of ways to look at what I said. Breaking it down a bit, this is my 2nd cycle and not my first. I loved this the first time around and ran around the house with my arms up and crossed in the air screaming “Bring it, bring it, X me…” Now at my 2nd, I could care less if you saw my arms crossed while I did the routine at Wal-Mart. Take into account everyone is different and has different tolerance or endurance levels. I’ve reached mine… so don’t compare us. Jump out there and see what works for you. I’m changing this around so I can keep up with anyone that may want to shoot me with a bow after I can’t stomach my 2nd cycle. Until that last cycle where your finger turns off your TV… stick with it and keep pushing play. I’m still here with ya.

Stay hungry… (grrrr)

Ok… this is pretty amazing. I’m no police officer or crazed security nut, but I’ve always had an eye for detail; believe it or not it saved me this time. I’ve recently made a move from a less desirable area to a decent one (based on what the police told me) and felt no need to drive it home with the security ranting. However, my belief that one should always protect themselves saved me from more woes than I could EVER and believe me EVER imagine!!!

On this more than normal day I drop a friend off to work feeling a little ambitious enough to drive to a couple of stores before making my way home. In the foggy mist of my busy mind, something told me to make it straight away to the house for what reason… only a psychic or psychotic could have known. A million and one things running through my mind would never prove to be more shocking then what would appear inside of my garage that day. With a trunk full of groceries I pulled up to a half opened garage only to think… um… did my house catch fire and the rest of the crew didn’t show up yet??? Proceeding to the half opened garage with a fear only an abandoned bag of money could have known… I walked up to my dismay. Slightly bending over I noticed sneakers and jeans at the base of this opened garage and feared that I would be in for a terrible beginning to the day’s events.

I’m not sure what anyone else would do in this situation but I was so confused I had no idea what to say because the villain

1. Left the garage slightly open.

2. Didn’t turn on the light to the garage.

3. Didn’t move when I pulled up.

Confused as all hell I asked him what the @#$*!!! was he doing in my garage??? He answered with someone next door need an electrician and that he was there to fix the problem because it was URGENT!!! Unfathomably at the time I couldn’t get past the fact he was fixing a supposed electrical issue with the lights OFF in the garage!!! He pretended to call the neighbors next door and said that the police were on their way and that he wanted no problems with them; also mentioning a neighbor’s name (that may or may not be correct) I realized he had no intentions of leaving. So I had some options that may have not reached a livable conclusion.

I could have either:

a. Put my head under the door… SMACK!!!

b. Announced I had a weapon not knowing his weapon of choice

c. Drive into the garage door… adding to his massacre and waiting to see what weapon he had

I chose neither as I proceeded to the locked door on the side of the garage. The funny thing here is  if he had in fact made it into the house, I’m assuming he wouldn’t be outside as there were no items in the garage and the easiest door to exit was locked. I could be seriously wrong here but I had to do something. Not thinking straight I ran into the house without calling the police (serious mistake number one) grabbed a bat to crack him over the head with much needed anguish as I didn’t know what I was in for. The door was still secure with serious damage with a crowbar he had used to try and pry his way into my life. By the time I got to his last known location I was a superhero without a villain for he’d ran off (enough for me to get a good view of him running away as fast as he could).

Story goes… I was able to give a police description, fingerprints were found and I’ve secured the house with additional security measures that everyone thought I was silly for.

The moral of the story here is folks, if you feel you need to add something to your security FOR WHATEVER REASON… please do!!!!!! The only way I prevented this random, spying, idiot from taking away my life, destroying my somewhat comfort in my new home, taking my belongings or hurting my family was putting an additional lock on the door that costs me less than $10.

Never think that random acts of violence can’t happen to you as believed by everyone that thought I was nuts because I moved into a said SAFER location. I had less reason to believe that someone could break in to this new location but couldn’t imagine not carrying over the same habits I previously practiced. Don’t get comfortable if you feel less threatened. However don’t feel like a prisoner in your own home either. You should always take into account that you aren’t the exception to the rule or it’s too perfect to foil. Indeed things could happen… even to you or a loved one. I almost made this mistake and was very close to paying for it with my life and become the piece of mind pictured in a police evidence kit.

Stay hungry (grrrr)…

I have to admit, I’m in love with P90x… No literally. I’m an athletic person by nature and love to workout. It would seem though over the years I’ve got a little lazy. However, with Tony Horton in tow I believe anything is possible and there’s no such thing as aging (right Tony)!!! I will be officially starting my 2nd cycle of P90x next week and believe it or not… I’m looking forward to it. Yet there’s one thing I just have to discuss before I go any further, that dang Recovery week, what gives???

It would seem no matter what I’ve done in my previous weeks the Recovery week seems to be the hardest to get adapted to. Now look, I’m not being lazy or anything of the such. It’s just that Core Synergistics is literally beating me up and then says “Finish him” at the end. No matter the food intake, plenty of rest the night before, Zen like Yoga skills, I can’t shake the inevitable which is ask the question “Did these people really look this good after just 90 days of P90x and accomplish it flawlessly???”  (flawless victory). I mean I wouldn’t be doing a 2nd cycle if I thought I was close or darn close to where I need to be, I hate to say that it’s the latter, or maybe I’m being too hard on myself. So to see these people in the video that move around like pre-charged robots with a few energy drink pills stuck in their mouths… I hate to say it… this discourages me. I know Tony, I shouldn’t say that.

Despite my anger towards people I’ll never meet, I keep pushing play but this week, just this one week in the whole schedule sums my progress up into a Sasquatch aimlessly walking through the trees, with some agility, interesting muscle  content, and enough endurance to just finish the damn thing. What the hell was I doing those other weeks anyway?!?!?!

Ok my rant is over but I will say this, nothing is acquired in a few days or yet a few months so I will definitely stay the course. I will continue to make this work because you know what… nothing else has. I’m still baffled by this one week that believe it or not on my first run was so easy that a cave man could have done it. Then again, I probably had no idea what I was doing and it didn’t matter anyways.

I will tell anyone if it’s hard… work harder, if you don’t get it… work at it until you do, and if you feel like you want to give up… give it just a little more time. Remember you’ve been this way for a long time and no miracle cure is going to undo what it took you so long to accomplish. Or maybe you believe in Santa Clause???

KEEP PRESSING PLAY… DAMMIT!!!!!!!

Stay hungry… (grrrr)…

I’m not sure about anyone else that I know but I’ve been injected into the smoking crowd through the hands of a friend that believe it or not, didn’t like to smoke but did socially???? Remembering the time when I was without cigarettes was a happy joyous time that unfortunately becomes a fleeting memory as time goes on. Recently far removed from paying everyday for a habit that will eventually cripple my very being without being an equal participant, I decided to try and find some way to beat the addiction… and then there was this mall kiosk????

Looking at it oddly, my friend gave a whole heartedly “maybe you should check that out…” and I couldn’t help but hear inside my mind…” you smoker you!!!”  I did my research and found that I was embracing a totally new world with a hope it would influence the old one… and it did!!! Now, the funny thing about this is I’d have to say I was not much of a serious smoker but a smoker none the less. Smoking my lights thinking, this is lighter so it’s not killing me right? Research is yet to be proven on the topic but I believed in my heart that I had to make a change and did.

First I started with blu cigs that even though they were cool didn’t really compare to the original. Depending on your habits you may feel the same way. When you’d get that good pull, you felt a whole heartedly yes… close, very close… and then… just vapor but no hit???? So I felt that I was being bought out and that my ideas were just what they were ideas. Now don’t get me wrong for the casual smoker these may be great. The problem relies on your ability to enjoy these cigarettes and feel you are getting close to what you’re use to. I’d have to say these may be a hit or miss for some. Sometimes you get a good pull and other times… well… you’re just blowing smoke… or maybe vapor. 

Anyhow, I pressed on for encouragement in the new community of hopes that I’d possibly make a change. And then there was Joye 510. Now… seriously… wow… the feeling of smoking a cigarette was finally there. The feeling of regret and bad choices had disappeared with each puff. And I have to admit I was lucky. For some… the search for an electronic cigarette replacement is similar to a long RPG (roll playing game) that may never end. You may find yourself purchasing many units or introductory packages that may never lead you back to what you once ran from. I’m happy to say I can put the controller down. Yay!!! I’ve beaten that part… now on to the next boss which is overcoming a habit that has its own beast, and trust me… I need some codes for that.

I’m here to tell you folks that your end may come as well… as long as you stay true to what you want and you’re mindful of your spending limit. For me, cigarettes were way too expensive to just keep dipping in. I needed a change that made sense and not break an already strained bank with possibilities that were too small to follow. In no way am I saying either of these choices will suit you, but what I am saying is that if you stay true to the fact that you need a change eventually… you will make that change and settle somewhere with a choice in the matter. For now, my settlement is with Joye 510 and I was truly amazed that I needed or need nothing else.

For the record, I would like to restate that this was my second choice and for others it may not be the same road.

When considering the options to a habit you may want to include on your research:

• Budget
• Patience
• Influence (friends, manufacturer, time constraints, change, etc…
• Ability to differentiate from your former habit… ah-hem
• Social factors
• Smell
• Time frame
• Pricings… that with each package deal may leave you with leftovers that you may never touch again!!!!!
• Peace of mind
• Tolerance
• Repurchase (monthly habits compared to formerly smoking packs upon packs to achieve the same effect or searching for a bargain price, or for whatever reason)
• Secrecy… lol (shhhhh)

 I’m done here… but keep in mind, whatever we do in the world effects us somehow and this is just my experience on it, others will be different. Standing on my proverbial soap box gives everyone a chance to reflect on themselves or speak up for others… until then…

 
Stay hungry… (grrrr)

Ok… so I’m trying to get my “WordPress” on and having limited luck. The funny thing is I remember doing this sort of thing with ease. Then again, I was in school, and had to do this type of thing because my grades were on the line. It would seem that when you start on something for yourself, unless you have guns blazing towards your enemy, it takes time to wrap your head around the foundation. My hat goes off to the real designers, developers and writers of the code because this wonderful stuff is really ripping a hole in my cranial cavity at the moment. Pressing on… I’m trying to manipulate my own code at the moment and let me tell you… it is so EVIL. They tell you that you don’t need to know PHP but I find that impossible if you really would like to edit and change your layout to what suits your inner beast. Mine is roaring at the moment and headed to the fridge for some comfort food.

If you search this site and say “shame on you” well you know what… I’m learning dammit… I will have none of that talk around here!!! Ah-hem… I’m taking a day by day approach to something that could probably be learned in a “Word press for Dummies” book but I have no interest in purchasing it since I’ve already paid for hosting and a new domain name that I’m kicking myself in the butt for… so there.

I’ll update on my progress as I’m knee deep in “why did I bother” at the moment, but no battle is won without a caveman’s touch to carving the FIRST TOOL…

Stay hungry (grrrr)…